Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I said to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
* Jack Handy *

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
* Frank Sinatra *

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
* William Butler Yeats *

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
* Catherine Zandonella *

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
* The Dude *

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
* W.C. Fields *

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
* Tee Mans *

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
* Henny Youngman *

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the
time and have the time of your life.
* Michelle Mastrolacasa *

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a Frontal lobotomy.
* Tom Waits *

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
* Stephen Wright *

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
* Frank Zappa *

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
* Winston Churchill *

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
* Benjamin Franklin *

You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor.
* The Dude *

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
* Jack Handy *

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
*Dave Barry *

Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.
* Anonymous *

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
* Humphrey Bogart *

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
* Kaiser Wilhelm *

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* Dean Martin *

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
* August A. Bush *

To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support group.
* Rodney Dangerfield *